A lot has been going on in people's relationships. Not mine, as you know, I don't have any. Not that I'm bitter or anything. I watch the relationships that other people have and I find myself becoming jealous. These aren't feelings I'm used to and I can't say that I'm enjoying them. I'm so used to being home and helping other people work on their dysfunctional relationships. Now that I see that a relationship can actually bring happiness I find myself being curious and craving that same happiness I see around me.
God, did you give me the gift of singleness. I'm fiercely independent and I've done well on my own up till now. I think about future relationships and, although I want one from the bottom of my heart, I don't actually see one coming to pass in my future. I can see a lot of my dreams coming true in my future, except that one. It's the one dream I can't even imagine.
I think it's mostly about me. I don't see myself being able to rely on someone else in that way. I can't see myself being very emotionally available in a relationship. I think there are just things in my character that wouldn't work out. It breaks my heart to say it but I truly believe it.
I hope I'm wrong, God. I hope that somewhere out there is a guy who'll be the perfect match for me. God, I don't mean to be impatient but if I could meet him soon I would greatly appreciate it. Not that I'm looking for a relationship of any sort but I think it would make a difference in my life and my happiness if one came along. Please, God, if nothing else don't let me be single forever. I understand its importance and that it's a good thing but I'm tired of it and I'm ready for something new.
Your loving though rarely faithful friend,
Traci
No comments:
Post a Comment