Love. It's a simple four letter word that I can't say. I can say it to my immediate family but that's only because I've known them forever. But to my friends and extended family? Well, I just hope they know it because I sure don't tell them. It's not that I don't. I do love a lot of people. I just can't say it.
I'm screwed if I ever get a boyfriend. There will come a day when he'll tell me he loves me and I'll just look at him and smile awkwardly while searching every crevice of my mind trying to find the courage to say it back. I may actually love him, I just won't be able to say it. That sucks. Just one more character flaw to add to my heaping pile.
One day I'll learn how to say the dreaded L word and feel completely comfortable with it. It probably won't be tomorrow, but one day will come when I can. I just wish I knew why I feel so umcomfortable with it. Perhaps my dreaded trust issues prevent me from being able to share my feelings. Let's go with that. Easy explanation, not so easily repaired. But, I'm comfident I'll get better.
Saturday, May 15, 2010
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